6:44 am

"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother and to become fully independent." -Erich Fromm

dear ian,

you made it!  or shall i say, we made it?  here you are 1 year old, and me- a full fledged mama to a boy!  i can't believe it's been 1 whole year since you came into this world- 1 year since i pushed with all my might and your tiny, slippery body popped out, and was placed in my eagerly awaiting arms- changing my life forever.  from those first moments that i held you in my arms, tears streaming down my face to me going in your room moments ago to spy on you while you sleep.  here we are.  we have had our ups & downs- and mommy is learning more about you, herself and how to be a mommy every day.  i know some days i am impatient with you- i just need to keep reminding myself that while i'm trying to learn to be a mommy that you are just trying to learn to be a human.  i just can't put into words how amazing this year has been- and while i still feel like some days i'm trying to figure out who i am- i know one thing- i was put on this earth to be your mama.  i will always be your mama, and you will always be my baby- my first baby.  you have amazed us in so many ways- from sleeping through the night on your own at 6 weeks, to rolling over at 4 months, to your crazy army crawl, and now pulling up.  you love food- you will one day eat me out of house and home.  you love water- bath time is so much fun.  you love reading, yo gabba gabba, our dogs, the ladies, and laughing big belly laughs that put mommy & daddy in stitches.  you hate staying still, diaper changes, and anywhere that you feel "tied down."  you're little in weight, but you're surprisingly tall.  you're curious an always on the go.  you're not a morning person.  you get the sillies if we keep you up too late.  you are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are you.  i'm not an eloquent writer- my words probably sound more like my jumbled up thoughts than beautiful prose- but they're from my heart, and every word is dripping with my love for you.  if i could write everything i had to say to you- i'd never stop typing- there aren't enough words to sum up you or this 1st of many, many years with you!  your (wonderful, amazing) daddy & i can't wait to share this day with you- all the snuggles, smiles, smells, splashes, hugs and kisses.  we can't wait to celebrate YOU!

we love you, so, so much.  

love,

mommy (and daddy- he's asleep next to me)

"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart."  -1 Samuel 1:27

 happy birthday, buds