fml - weekend edition

the weekend was created for my enjoyment.  not for me to later want to stomp and forget it ever happened.  grr.

this all started on saturday evening, which was a lot like the previous saturday evening... 

we have recently moved ian's bedtime back to where it will probably stay for the next couple years- the 7 o'clock hour.  this is nice b\c hubby & i finally have more time together- although we miss ian while he's asleep.  of course, it means we are confined to the house- and being that i am already here all day long- it doesn't make me happy.

the last 2 weekends in a row, i have found myself crying, and dare i say this as a new mother- resenting my child a bit.  Lord knows, i wouldn't trade him for the world, but between not getting to leave the house, and feeling fat all the time, a little resentment has crept into my heart.  it hurts me just to say that.  here was the situation:

last weekend we went to germanfest.  around 8:30- ian was really fussy, so we gave him his bottle, which meant bedtime was soon to follow.  plus the place was packed- and we were idiots who brought a stroller- and had to navigate through the crowds in the stroller- not fun.  so i was on edge when we got inside, and upset about how i felt like we couldn't do anything with ian, etc. 

cut to this week.  our friend israel turns 30 this week and was having a bday party w\ some other friends.  ian slept until after 5, and the party was 45 minutes away.  i had thrown in the towel on going and was crying and feeling sorry for myself because i'm a slave to my own house and i can't do anything b\c of ian.  we decided to go anyway after lots of convincing from husband- so we didn't get to crystal lake until after 7 or so.  ian actually did really well b\c he had taken a later nap- but then the mosquitoes started biting, and you just can't have your baby eaten up by mosquitoes. we were positioned right next to the off candle and covered w\ bug spray, but that wasn't cutting it.  so we had to give ian his bottle, and get on the road- and that's where the fun began...

first- i told husband i thought a mosquito bit me through the back of my pants' leg, which he said was impossible.  turns out we were both wrong- i got 5 mosquito bites through the back of my pants' leg. 

second- i have a mosquito bite on the top of my foot that is swollen, and as big around as a golf ball.  i'm seriously beginning to wonder if it was really a mosquito. 

third- we arrived home around 10 o'clock to find that we couldn't get our garage to open any higher than an inch.  after several tries we figured it's best not to break it.  we tried to get into the front door- but our door has a hotel-style latch that can't be opened from the outside.  our backdoor had all 3 of its locks locked and we have 1 window on ground level- by the front door.  we tried to finagle our way in the front door, but about 5 minutes later, i was on the phone w\ the landlord and ian was screaming.  we ended up having to drive over to the in-law's to stay the night.  we had only a onesie and 2 extra diapers- and nothing for us.  oh, and our dogs- inside. 

fourth- because of this disaster, ian didn't fall asleep until after midnight, and decided to wake up before 6!  so.  tired.

fifth.  alberto contador won le tour de france, again.  seriously.  i can't stand that guy.

so, looking at it now, it wasn't as bad as i made it out to be, but i'm really sad about my whole "resentment."  i don't resent my son.  i couldn't love anyone more than i love him, and i can't imagine my life without him.  i think i've had some serious cabin fever and just needed to get out, but it's so hard to get out w\ him, especially in the evenings now that he goes to bed so early.  it's even worse that since we've moved up here, we rarely see anyone- i feel like husband's friends treat us like we have the plague because we have a baby- it just makes me want to be in atlanta even more.  we also don't know anyone to babysit- and i'd hate to constantly ask the in-law's to give up their evenings to watch him.  it's definitely brought us to one conclusion: #11 from my 30 before thirty has got to start happening asap.  i've got to get out of the house- without baby. 

other mommies out there- ever felt anything like this?  you can either comfort me, or make me feel worse!

here's to soon to begin date nights!

sick of being sick

being sick is never fun.  being sick when you're pregnant or have a newborn at home is even more not fun.  i was sick once when i was pregnant (i'm talking a cold) and i seriously thought i was going to die.  i thought i had strep, my ob's office was worried i had swine flu.  it was bad.  i had to go to urgent care, where the lady who checked me in asked me a million questions, when it was very clear that I HAD NO VOICE.  luckily, it was just laryngitis and pharyngitis and a mess of yuckiness.  i got excused from work for a week- and i spent that week wallowing in misery in my bed.  you can't really take much when you're pregnant.  i had a list of "approved medicines" but every time i would grab something and take it up to the pharmacy counter, the poor girl working behind it would just shake her head no at me. 

then i got sick after i had ian.  dave's gma has been very sick for a while, so we made several trips to see her at the nursing home she is in.  nursing homes are full of sick people.  and sick people are full of germs.  i got sick, ian got sick.  it was a disaster.  i was also a new mom.  much of this sickness involved me calling my husband at work crying and telling him how miserable i was taking care of a crying baby while about to die, and he was "living it up" at work.  there's also not much you can take while breastfeeding, but it's more than you can take while pregnant.  i popped a zicam swab up my nose every 4 hours, and luckily was feeling better in a few days.  my husband got the cold a few days later, but unlike me, he got to leave work and come home and sleep all day.  who takes care of mama when she's sick?!

now i'm sick again.  you would seriously think that these pre-natal vitamins i've been taking for let's say, oh, a year would be protecting me from the icky.  but no.  i spend my days and nights hacking up a lung and thinking i have tuberculosis or the whooping cough.  pretty sure i don't have either, but then i heard a commerical on tv about whooping cough and how 83% of infants who get it, get it from family and that it can be fatal for infants under the age of 1.  of course, even if i wanted to visit my dr. now, i can't because ge's new health plan, which i like to compare to fear mongering prevents me from going to the dr. because if you go to the dr. and you're sick.  you have to PAY.  all my lung hacking has also somehow injured my hip.  seriously, how old am i?  80?

my advice for how to handle your life and being sick while having a baby. 

-get plenty of rest.  sleep when your baby sleeps- at night, naps, etc.  it really does make a difference because i am cranky when i don't get sleep.  and cranky + no sleep + baby crying + sick = awful. 

-hot showers or baths.  not sure they do much, but they feel nice.  sometimes as a mom it's hard to get a shower or a bath- make time!

-drink lots of liquids.  i like to alternate between hot and cold.  i try to drink lots of super cold ice water for hydration and then have lots of hot tea (i prefer mint) with honey in it.  this really does help.  hot water with lemon juice and honey helps too. 

-take whatever meds you can.  there are many things you can take while pregnant and breastfeeding from natural remedies (echinacea, garlic, vitamin c, homeopathic remedies) to otc meds (delsym, robitussin).  i usually take ibuprofin, a zinc dissolvable tablet and  cough drops (be sure not to overdo it with zinc and menthol cough drops as they can cause a drop in milk). 

-wash your hands as much as possible.  duh.

i'm looking to be at the end of my cold, as my husband is now officially sick (he seems to be about a week behind me).  here's hoping that you and your family are staying healthy!

sources for safe meds: KellyMom

things i've learned about motherhood #21

sick days don't exist.

period.

even when you feel as if you're on your deathbed, you are no longer #1.

but my #1 is worth putting before myself.