fml - weekend edition

the weekend was created for my enjoyment.  not for me to later want to stomp and forget it ever happened.  grr.

this all started on saturday evening, which was a lot like the previous saturday evening... 

we have recently moved ian's bedtime back to where it will probably stay for the next couple years- the 7 o'clock hour.  this is nice b\c hubby & i finally have more time together- although we miss ian while he's asleep.  of course, it means we are confined to the house- and being that i am already here all day long- it doesn't make me happy.

the last 2 weekends in a row, i have found myself crying, and dare i say this as a new mother- resenting my child a bit.  Lord knows, i wouldn't trade him for the world, but between not getting to leave the house, and feeling fat all the time, a little resentment has crept into my heart.  it hurts me just to say that.  here was the situation:

last weekend we went to germanfest.  around 8:30- ian was really fussy, so we gave him his bottle, which meant bedtime was soon to follow.  plus the place was packed- and we were idiots who brought a stroller- and had to navigate through the crowds in the stroller- not fun.  so i was on edge when we got inside, and upset about how i felt like we couldn't do anything with ian, etc. 

cut to this week.  our friend israel turns 30 this week and was having a bday party w\ some other friends.  ian slept until after 5, and the party was 45 minutes away.  i had thrown in the towel on going and was crying and feeling sorry for myself because i'm a slave to my own house and i can't do anything b\c of ian.  we decided to go anyway after lots of convincing from husband- so we didn't get to crystal lake until after 7 or so.  ian actually did really well b\c he had taken a later nap- but then the mosquitoes started biting, and you just can't have your baby eaten up by mosquitoes. we were positioned right next to the off candle and covered w\ bug spray, but that wasn't cutting it.  so we had to give ian his bottle, and get on the road- and that's where the fun began...

first- i told husband i thought a mosquito bit me through the back of my pants' leg, which he said was impossible.  turns out we were both wrong- i got 5 mosquito bites through the back of my pants' leg. 

second- i have a mosquito bite on the top of my foot that is swollen, and as big around as a golf ball.  i'm seriously beginning to wonder if it was really a mosquito. 

third- we arrived home around 10 o'clock to find that we couldn't get our garage to open any higher than an inch.  after several tries we figured it's best not to break it.  we tried to get into the front door- but our door has a hotel-style latch that can't be opened from the outside.  our backdoor had all 3 of its locks locked and we have 1 window on ground level- by the front door.  we tried to finagle our way in the front door, but about 5 minutes later, i was on the phone w\ the landlord and ian was screaming.  we ended up having to drive over to the in-law's to stay the night.  we had only a onesie and 2 extra diapers- and nothing for us.  oh, and our dogs- inside. 

fourth- because of this disaster, ian didn't fall asleep until after midnight, and decided to wake up before 6!  so.  tired.

fifth.  alberto contador won le tour de france, again.  seriously.  i can't stand that guy.

so, looking at it now, it wasn't as bad as i made it out to be, but i'm really sad about my whole "resentment."  i don't resent my son.  i couldn't love anyone more than i love him, and i can't imagine my life without him.  i think i've had some serious cabin fever and just needed to get out, but it's so hard to get out w\ him, especially in the evenings now that he goes to bed so early.  it's even worse that since we've moved up here, we rarely see anyone- i feel like husband's friends treat us like we have the plague because we have a baby- it just makes me want to be in atlanta even more.  we also don't know anyone to babysit- and i'd hate to constantly ask the in-law's to give up their evenings to watch him.  it's definitely brought us to one conclusion: #11 from my 30 before thirty has got to start happening asap.  i've got to get out of the house- without baby. 

other mommies out there- ever felt anything like this?  you can either comfort me, or make me feel worse!

here's to soon to begin date nights!

mcfatty monday 3 (better late than never)

it's mcfatty tuesday monday!

well, i am one week away from my weigh in ob appointment next week, so still no idea how i'm doing on the weight front.  last week was crazy.  i went with my mother and sister in law to indiana on wednesday, so i feel like i had a 4 day weekend.  i did walk on monday, and i'm still trying to make healthier eating choices.  i can't say i felt good about eating in indiana- husband's gma can cook.  plus, like most gma's, she forces you to eat everything in her house because "she doesn't want leftovers."  so my weekend consisted of things such as sour cream meat pie (sounds gross- but isn't), baked ham with party potatoes and pineapple casserole, jewish coffee cake, zucchini bread, a fudge party (heaven) and starbucks.

i did a lot of walking at the vera sale, but i still wasn't feeling good about all the yumminess i was consuming.  i did notice something on saturday though- the jeans i had bought in april for easter weekend were looking a little loose.  so i went to the loft and picked up another pair in the same size, but they were tight- wth?  i realized that the tight jeans were "modern" fit (slim through the thighs- and i've got thighs like what, what, what), and the loose jeans were "curvy" fit.  so that got me thinking...

so after we got home, i went to my closet and looked through my pre-pregnancy jeans.  sure enough there was a size 6 "curvy" fit.  i yanked them off the hanger, slipped them on, buttoned them, and, OMG!!!  there i was, standing in the middle of my room wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans!!!!  i must have stared at my butt in the mirror for 5 minutes...  i now officially have 3 pairs of jeans- size 10, size 8 and size 6.  note to women's jeans makers:  for crying out loud, can't i just go in and buy my size and know they'll fit?!  i have a baby, i don't have time to try 800 things on in a dressing room. 

now i'm not getting too ahead of myself.  this is one of those "you may have won the battle, but you haven't won the war" moments.  small victories.  because the next day i tried on the rest of my pre-pregnancy pants, and none of them fit, and ::sigh::  i still can't get my wedding band on.  but i'm getting there!!

we also received a gift while we were in ft. wayne.  dave's cousin now has 2 adorable children and they no longer have use for a 1-child jogging stroller.  they were kind enough to give us their old stroller!!!  this now means i must jog!!  so this week i'll be "learning" how to jog... and hopefully liking it!

remember, small victories!!

oh, i yearn for you pre-baby body

i guess i expect giving birth to be some miracle- my body will heal quickly and i'll be in no pain, i'll lose 800 lbs and be thinner than i was before i got pregnant, and i'll be able to wear my "real" clothes again. riiiiiiiiiight. so, let's just say i'm more than tired of my maternity clothes- the pants with panels are too loose, and my non-maternity pants are way too tight. Just like my baby, when it comes to clothes, i'm stuck in "no man's land."

i gained 45 lbs while pregnant- yikes. let's just say that was all my fault- i craved pizza, pasta and candy while pregnant- not good. i weighed more than my husband- it was really sad. our scale doesn't work here at home, and they didn't weigh me in the hospital, so my best guess is that i've lost about 15-20 lbs. my face is definitely smaller, my belly- obviously. it seems other than the baby belly though that i'm carrying all my leftover weight between my knees and my hips- awesome. like all those years of dancing didn't give me big enough thighs... i'm also apparently carrying lots of weight in my fingers- as i have yet to get my wedding or engagement ring back on my hand. ::sigh::

so i've been shopping a few times- i don't fit into my former size pants currently, and i don't fit into the next size up either- i decided to stop there... tops though- oh, i can fit into tops all day long! squeeeeeee! so i have a closet full of new tops that are filling my heart with joy- and once i figure out how to successfully nurse wearing regular clothes- they will all be making an appearance on my body!

i'm always on the lookout for new things though- sometimes just looking is nice- even if you can't have it. prime example is the subscription i've had to Lucky for 5 years or so. the editors and staff at Lucky must think we can all afford designer wardrobes, and from the looks of it, most of them can. unfortunately i cannot pay $3,000 for a dress, let alone $300- heck, I can't pay $100 for a dress these days. woe is me... however i've become a darn good looker and an even better bargain shopper.

so i was thumbing through the pages of this month's Lucky when i saw this adorable cardigan in the front. i didn't get my hopes up, as most of what i like in there ends up being way out of my price range... BUT my faith in affordable, adorable clothing was restored when i saw that the cardigan was not only designer-made, but affordable and available at h&m!!


so cute!! i love that it's so springy with the pastels, and girly with the bows, and i might even say it's a touch parisian- it is made by a french designer after all! i can't wait until the line hits h&m next week- i will be figuring out how to take baby to the hellhole that is woodfield mall where i will make the cardigan mine, all mine.

now what do i wear with it?! i just don't have the knack for putting together outfits like you guys do. help!