steppin' out last saturday

last week i took photos for my very first sos, but... they didn't make it to my blog.  not to fear- i didn't forget this week.  however, after we went out and ran errands (and got berated in the kohl's parking lot in a case of mistaken car-dentity), i came home, worked out, and slipped back into my pj's for the remainder of the day... no steppin' out.  so let's pretend that i went out last night...

mama:  top & skirt- loft.  sandals: old navy.

baby: top & shorts- osh kosh, belt- ralph lauren chaps, sandals- old navy

i haven't worn this outfit in a while.  it hasn't... fit.  look at me now...  also, ian has little to no interest in steppin' out on saturday, or holding an adult's hand while walking outside of the house... 

mommy reads: ::sigh:: twilight

yes, believe it or not, this is still melissa.  no one is holding my blog hostage in order to write an entry about twilight.  sadly, i read it myself.  if you know me very well, you know that i am not really into the science fiction/fantasy type stuff.  i am very anti- vampire/witch/wizard/zombie/your choice of scary entity here.  i have not read any henry porter books, nor do i want to.  i did not watch buffy.  i don't particularly care for lord of the rings.  nor do i see the appeal.  i have felt the same way about twilight from the get go.  laughing at it, and anyone else who liked it.  things were going so well in my twilightless life....

rewind back:  sunday, july 31, 2011.  dave & i had gone out the night before with friends for our birthdays.  ian stayed w\ dave's dad, so we stayed the night there too.  it was late when we got back, and didn't want to sneak into bed w\ ian sleeping in the pnp, so we decided to sleep in the basement.  dave had hockey practice the next morning, and the basement bedroom stays pitch black all day, so i was really shocked when dave called and it was after 10 and ian was still asleep.  we were going to meet dave's dad for breakfast, so i wanted ian to sleep as long as he could so he wouldn't be immediately hungry & cranky upon waking up.  i was bored and my phone doesn't have service on the nightstand.  there were a few books sitting there.  one happened to be twilight.  i picked it up and looked at it for a while, and thought, "i'll read this until dave gets here and then i'll hide it way and never touch it again."  so i read a chapter or 2 and dave was back.  i put the book down quickly, he comes in and this conversation ensues:

d:  what have you been doing
m:  nothing
d: what's that look for
m:  i've been reading twilight, and i like it, who am i?!

so, i read the book.  and i liked it.  and then i watched the 1st movie. and before you know it, it's thursday (today) and i've seen all 3 movies and have read 2 of the books.  seriously.  who am i?!  we've had this conversation every day this week.  have you ever had something that you really really loved, but you wanted to keep it a secret b\c you were embarrassed about it.  for me, that was nsync about 12 years ago....  now it's twilight.  gah.  you probably want a review at least... 

"i'm the world's best predator, aren't i?  everything about me invites you in- my voice, my face, even my smell.  as if i need any of that!  as if you could outrun me.  as if you could fight me off."

what can i really say about twilight?  the books aren't going to be winning a pulitzer for writing, obviously.  they are intended for young adults, and it's a story about young adults.  a romance story with suspense thrown in.  for me, i loved it, even if it hurts me to type that.  the story goes:  bella swan moves to forks, washington to live with her dad.  the first day of school she notices the most beautiful boy she's ever seen, but he seems totally put off by her.  she's intrigued.  they forge a reluctant (on his part) friendship and fall in love with each other.  one catch- he's a vampire, and she's "just his brand of heroin."  it sounds really silly typing it out, and it is, but i can't help it- the book was really enjoyable.  i enjoyed the book more in that it was detailed more than the movie, but i enjoyed the movie for its visual aspects.  i think you know what i mean (team edward).  this coming from someone who really doesn't find rob pattinson incredibly attractive. 

seriously, if i even say anything else, i'm going to need someone to slap me to make sure i'm still myself.  and that is a 30 year old with a kid.  not a 17 year old who is obsessed with vampires.  whatever.

4/5 stars.  only because i can't see edward when i'm reading the book.  same for the movie- only b\c it left out details and i kept having to stop & explain things to dave.  that's right.


*by the way, i get that twilight was cool like 5 years ago, so i'm way behind on that bandwagon...

giveaway time!

i have at least 3 giveaways lined up for next week!  i promise i'll be back blogging and reading blogs consistently by that time!! 

today is a depress-fest.  so feel free to come back another day.  

i feel like i'm at a really weird place in my life right now.  maybe it's the 2nd year of motherhood.  maybe it's turning 30.  maybe it's both.  i'm just at this weird conflicting time where everything i want is the opposite of what i want.  makes no sense, right?

first-  time is going by so quickly. i mean, it's already august for crying out loud.  i'm trying to avoid the #1 thought that's looming in my head- that another winter is around the corner.  i'm already thinking of winter.  i walked out of ian's room after putting him down for a nap this morning and i was crying, no, bawling.  all i could think about was him growing up and getting bigger and wondering if i would even remember little moments like rocking him to sleep when he was bigger.  i keep having these weird "flashback" moments.  where i think of my life in a flashback like they show in the movies.  last night we were watching a movie and i had one of those moments.  nothing like dumb vampire movies to make you think of your own mortality.  damn vampires.

i just feel really out of place everywhere.  i feel out of place with my friends from home- i've been gone over 2 years now.  i'm not a daily, weekly, or even monthly part of their lives anymore.  it's been 4 months since i've seen many of my friends- some- even longer than that.  it's no different here.  i feel really out of place here too.  we don't see many of our friends here either b\c we can't get out as much as we'd like.  we can't always stay out late, or find someone to watch ian.  hell, we can't even afford a babysitter.  we have fun hanging out w\ our friends, but sometimes in order to do that, we have to bring ian.  and it's never fun feeling like everyone is wondering why the heck you brought your baby with you.  i had a small group of friends up here, but i just don't feel very welcome there anymore.  i just feel really alone up here.  i feel like ian is pretty much my best friend these days.  we spend all of our days together- and most of that time, he just wants to play on his own without me- so even then i feel alone.  and there are those times i just want to get away from him, to have a break, to have some time to myself- but i feel myself rushing back because i missed him so much. 

we are continuing to have struggles with our finances.  every month it's some surprise bill.  we got a parking ticket when we were downtown last week, and this week we got a bill from our dentist because our insurance didn't cover everything they were supposed to. dave has applied for a countless number of jobs both within his company and outside of it, and nothing has panned out.  i'm just ready for a break.  they say when it rains it pours, and we have just been poured on in some way the last 30 months.  i'm ready for a break. 

it's really not all bad, but sometimes it just outweighs the good, and my heart just feels super heavy this morning- and just a lot lately.  i'm going home for a visit in 3 weeks.  maybe that's all i need.  ugh.  it's the vampires, i tell ya. 

i resolve... august

not to make stupid resolutions this year that i will have forgotten about by... yesterday.

instead.  my "resolution" is to make a short list of attainable goals each month- and to share them with you.  sometimes later in the month than expected...

my july goals:

•  finish big item on list + at least 1 more  boom!  ran a triathlon (#12), 30th bday bash (#7)
• 2 date nights (1 in, 1 out)
• keep going to bed early it's really amazing how well-rested i feel...
• finish the book i've been reading for 2 months.  done- finally
• pick a new race!  done.  need to sign up.
• mail scarf to swap buddy.  finally
• write back to pen pal (yes, i have a pen pal, no, they're not in prison).  haven't done this yet.  boo

goals for august:

• 2 date nights (in/out)
• finish the book i'm reading + another book
• lose 3 lbs to get me down to highest pre-baby weight
• write back to pen pal
• meet a new friend!
• have an awesome time planned for our friends that are coming to visit
• finish 30 day shred
• sign up for above race

18 months

ian turned 18 months old on july 20th!  we're halfway to being 2!  zomg!

there haven't been a lot of big changes with ian.  he's still walking- getting better at it.  lots of falling still b\c he thinks that things on the floor are part of the floor and just walks over them like they don't exist...  lots of bumps and bruises this month- and running!  

we finally made ian an appointment to see an allergist near the end of this month.  we will finally find out what exactly he's allergic to.  i'm guessing that will bring bigger changes to the things he eats, but we'll wait & see. 

no new teeth this month... thank goodness.  i know those i-teeth have got to be coming soon though.  yikes!

as i said last month, we stopped nursing shortly after ian turned 17 months old.  i miss it, but in the same vein i'm glad it's over with!!   

we're still working on signs with ian.  i wish i knew of a really good way to teach him signing...  he's so busy that i feel like i have a hard time getting him to sit and focus on me.  we're still working tirelessly on mommy, daddy, thank you, i love you, up & down.  i'm really hoping some of these start to stick b\c we're getting to the point where if he can't communicate something to you, he just starts crying.  :(

bed & nap routines are changing slightly.  over the last couple months ian has gotten really attached to his "lovey" (affectionately known as mr. bear) and you probably already know that he is definitely attached to his binky.  we are wanting to break (or get a hold on) the binky issue before it gets out of control, so ian can now only have his bear & binky at nap times and bed time.  i get him up and change him and then we go back over to the bed and now he throws his bear & binky in without asking.  this doesn't mean they're gone for good though... if we are playing upstairs, a lot of times he will saunter into our room from his w\ binky in mouth & bear in arms... he will reach into his bed & pull his blanket until he gets them where he can reach and pulls them out... he's doing well though.  he's been fussier lately, and i can't tell if it's b\c he's w\o his binks or not.  a lot of times i think the binky is more of a crutch for mommy & daddy though.  we've definitely had to bust out a hidden binky a few times since...

we are also in the process of moving from 2 naps to one (sad times)...  yesterday was a one nap day, however, today is a 2 nap day.  it really depends on how tired he is.  this crazy kid has also started sleeping in from anywhere between 8-10.  of course, we have been keeping him up a little later- it's summer!  i hate putting him to bed when there's still 2 hours of daylight!

ian is also adding lots of new words- shake, yucky, gross, thank you, ai yi yi, & whoa to name a few.  he's also really gotten into singing- he loves the fresh beat band... and he goes around most of the day singing their ending song, so picture ian walking around the house "na na na na na na" all day (and picture me working on those sweet dance moves).

we also took ian to his 18 mo appt.  20 lbs, 4 oz (>5%), 32" (25-50%), head circ (50%).  looks great!

and now, the reason you're all here... the pictures!

 fourth of july fun!

 picnic with mommy

 oh, i'm not supposed to be messing with that?  my bad.

 (l-r): test shot.  pretty much downhill from there.  best of the bunch, but only with my bear & hat!

 (l-r): half laughing/half crying.  definitely crying.

cRaZy hair!

weight ain't nothing but a number

mcfatty monday has come to an end.  and it's only appropriate that it ended on the same day i planned to write this post.  i've said it 100x... i've been working out for 6 months tirelessly, i've been tracking my calories for 2+ months religiously... and all for 8 lbs.  blah blah blah.  i've been so worried about the number on a scale, that sometimes i think it stands in the way of being able to see my true losses.  for me it's hard not to concentrate on those numbers b\c i remember the time (not terribly long ago) when i stepped on the scale and there were only 2 digits.  those days are in the past- and i've got to let go. 

last week i got some really awesome comments here (this link keeps getting jacked up) and then i read this post (especially note the last 2 photos- she weighs 10 lbs MORE than she was at her lowest, yet looks better than ever).  so leah, sarah, heather & jess... thank you.  i don't know you, but thank you. 

it's not about that digital number.  it's about how you feel.  how you feel in your clothes, how you feel in the gym.  how you feel day to day.  it's about the number of inches you've lost, the amount of muscle you've gained. 

feeling good and looking good are my new focus, no matter what my scale says, no matter how "overweight" my wii says. 

enjoy the journey.  updates will follow, but i just won't focus on it weekly.  i've got this.