Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

12 months

well, everything i have been talking about is here and gone- i have a 1 year old!  here's what my crazy kid did during his 12th month of life!

a tooth finally came in!  why it takes my child 4-6 weeks per tooth, i'll never know, but ian now has 2 1/2 teeth!

he is pulling up on everything- me, the furniture, the bed, the dresser, the book shelf- you name it.  he loves standing and reaching for things.  he's not interested in you standing him up though- and he's not really ready to stand alone- he's done it once, for about 2 seconds- and only because he didn't realize he wasn't holding on to me anymore!

feeding is still the same- nursing 3x a day and the bottle before bed.  we're working on switching to milk right now- he can definitely tell that it tastes different!  we're still doing baby food and table food.  we've introduced blueberries, blackberries and red bell pepper in the last month.  the pepper didn't thrill him, but we were able to sneak it into the other foods and he finished it w\o knowing..  we've also started doing cheese (swiss, provolone and cheddar) and pieces of low-sodium lunch meat as finger foods.

ian celebrated his first christmas.  we drove down to my mom & dad's house just south of atlanta- it was a horrible trip.  it took us an extra 3 hours (we did stop and sleep for over an hour) and ian screamed half of the trip.  awful.  the trip back was better, but only b\c we decided for the sanity of all of us to face his car seat forward.  don't worry- we are back to rear-facing and will be for a while now.  unfortunately, ian came down with a stomach virus christmas eve night, and was pretty much out of it most of christmas day.  poor little guy.  we also celebrated christmas with dave's family on new year's day, which was a lot of fun.  he was feeling much better by then.

we celebrated ian's birthday with friends and family while in georgia- it was nice for all of his friends from home to see him, and for family who wouldn't be here for his birthday.  unfortunately, my grandmother was in the hospital, so it didn't work out for us to see them that week.  :(  we also had a party for ian with our friends and family up here.  pictures to come.  2 parties- exhausting.  we will only be doing family parties from now on...

we also signed ian up for parent-infant swim with our local park district.  we're taking the class w\ one of the little girls from baby group.  ian loves bath time, but it's taken a few weeks with swimming.  the pool is warm, but not bath tub warm.  he cried the entire first class.  poor kid!  at least i found it funny.

ian has started giving out high five's and now is clearer in saying "mama" and "dada."  no new words though.

stats from 1 year appointment: weight: 17 lbs, 1 oz- less than 5th (less than 1st actually) percentile.  height 29.5" (this is the same as 9 month appt.- i'm not buying it)- 25th percentile.

well, here we go- we're starting year 2.  wow!

 these are getting more and more difficult to take... grr

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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

a birth story- 370 days later

this week (last week) is obviously all about ian.  i'm sorry, or i'm not.  whatever.  this is obviously also a (long) birth story, so if you're not into that, then come back later because like any birth story, it's all a little tmi!

january 19, 2010.  11:00 am

i had what i hoped was my last scheduled appointment that day- my 40 week appointment.  i dragged my giant self out of bed and got dressed in maternity jeans that i could barely fit into, my gray sweater boots since it was freezing, a long-sleeved white tshirt, and the sweater-poncho that dave had gotten me on his trip to peru (posh spice said it was cool to wear ponchos while pregnant).  i carried all of our bags downstairs and loaded them into my car- we had been packed for quite a while, and i had a good feeling about this day.  i met dave in the waiting room at dr. barthel's office- she had been out of town last week taking her board-certification exam and i had seen the midwife last week.  i was ready to see my dr. again, and hoping to get the ok.  i was frustrated when i arrived b\c they didn't even have me down as having an appointment, even though the girl who was telling me this was the one who scheduled me.  they brought me back to the monitoring room instead of a regular room and immediately put me on the fetal monitor for a nst.  they monitored me for a little while, and then came in and gave me the button to press every time the baby moved.  i remember that you can see the heart rate number on the machine, and although i don't remember what dave & i were talking about, something made me laugh hysterically and the heart rate would spike up!  finally after 45 minutes on this thing- i was ready to go.  i was starving, and dave & i usually went out for lunch after my appointments- i was ready to eat.  dr. barthel (dr. uma- b\c she looks just like uma thurman) came in and checked me out, she said everything looked great and asked me if i was ready to have a baby today- ian's heart rate went up to 170!.  she was on call- so as long as he was ready before noon on the 20th, she would deliver him.  i decided i would go ahead- i was finished w\ my 40 weeks, more than ready to meet him, and i wanted her delivering him.  she called up to l&d and they said i could come on up!  "so this means lunch is out of the question, i guess", i asked her.  her reply, "yeah, you can't have anything else to eat until the baby is here."  boo.

so dave and i went out to my car and moved everything into his car, and we pulled both vehicles up to valet. i called my parents and my brother, so they would know that they would need to leave soon (they were driving up from georgia), and i sent out a text to my closest friends and did a facebook update for the rest.  we went over to the registrar, and we were already checked in from doing our paperwork early, so i just needed to give a little info and get my bracelets.  after we were done, we took our papers and headed up the elevator to l&d. we were buzzed in and they told us that they were waiting for me, and they took me to my room.  the room was really spacious with a nice view of the lake (frozen over, of course) and a pull out chair for dave to sleep in.  i got into my gown, peed in a cup and was ready to go.  the head of the l&d that was on shift, came in, introduced herself, and showed me the board- it had my name, dr.'s name, nurse and supervisors name, phone numbers and it asked "3 things that were most important to me."  i listed food as number one, so she brought me a popsicle!  it was 2:30 and i was starving!  my 2nd nurse came in and introduced herself as well- i don't remember her name, but she rubbed me the wrong way- she wasn't mean, just weird.  she told me they'd get me started on my iv since i was being induced, and they needed to start pitocin.  i thought we were going to do cervadil, but they never mentioned it, and neither did i.  they got me going on pitocin and i also had to have clindamycin for gbs since i couldn't have the penicillin.  when the nurse came in to start my iv, she must have hit a vein really hard b\c i looked down and my hand was soaked in blood.  that made me a little nervous, but no big deal.  i was still only dilated around 1cm, so we weren't going anywhere any time soon.  dave took the treats i baked for the nurses to their station (bribery, people) and we were left to chill for a while b\c there wasn't going to be much going on.  once settled in, we decided to exchange our gifts- (i wanted davedr. uma came in when their office closed to check on me- nothing. 

dave's mom arrived w\ dinner for them sometime around 6- so cruel.  i sat with puppy dog eyes while they had steak n shake- i finally convinced dave to give me a bite of his pickle!  this was probably around 7 or so, which is when the shift change was.  my new nurse, kim, came in and introduced herself and checked me out- not a lot of progress- but my contractions were definitely increasing- i decided i'd go ahead & just get my epidural done with, so i asked her if that was fine.  she asked me if i'd like to try nubain instead- it's lighter and goes into your iv- so i told her that would work.  we turned on the tv- scott brown had just won the massachusetts state senate election, so that was all over the news.  it was also tuesday, and the biggest loser was on- so i watched that while the nurse gave me my nubain- and then things got ugly.  a few years ago i had surgery and was prescribed lortab for pain afterward.  after i would have a dose, i would itch- all over.  it's like my arm would it- i'd scratch it until i felt better, and then my stomach would itch and so on.  miserable.  not long after i got the nubain i started having these same symptoms.  another allergic reaction!  i could not stop itching my skin- it's terrible.  these meds must be morphine or codeine-based- and i am obviously allergic to one of them.  we called the nurse back in and she added some benedryl into my iv to counteract the reaction.  it wasn't long before the combo of the benedryl and nubain made me very, very sleepy.  i remember i was barely able to keep my eyes open through the end of biggest loser- i just kept dozing off and waking up.

my father-in-law showed up some time around 9 o'clock.  everything was still the same- no progress, having to get up and get unhooked to go pee, begging for food- boring stuff.  i remember having to get up and use the bathroom around this time- so i got unhooked and dave helped me in, i went, washed up and as i was coming out of the bathroom, i started "leaking"- my water is breaking!  i was pretty excited, so we called nurse kim in the room.  she did a strip test, where they stick a little litmus strip in to see if the pH changes- unfortunately my water didn't break- no.  i just peed on myself after just peeing.  awesome.

my contractions must've been getting worse (although now i don't even remember them) and dave was so great at helping me with the breathing exercises from our childbirth class.  i remember he would hold my hand, tell me to find my focal point and then help me breathe through each contraction.  sometime after 11 o'clock i asked for my epidural- my father in law decided he'd go home @ this point, so we told him goodnight and waited on the anesthesiologist.  luckily, it didn't take him long to arrive- however, i was dreading the epidural as so many people told me that was the worst part.  i sat up on the edge of the bed, dave and nurse kim in front of me as the anesthesiologist took a look at my back.  "i have scoliosis" i told him.  "oh, i can tell, i'm going to have to see if i can even do this."  "you better," i thought.  after some looking around he was able to get started- but he warned me that my epidural might only take on one side, or might not last as long on one side because of the scoliosis.  we got started- first, you get a shot to numb the area, then they put the needle in, next the tube that you receive the meds through goes in, and the needle comes out, tube is taped to skin, wa la, you're done.  i'd say it was pretty easy for me.  next comes the fun part- the catheter- this prevents me from peeing on myself- again, (or anyone else for that matter).  it doesn't however do away with the paranoia of thinking you're going to pee on everyone. 

once i got the epidural, i got crazy tired, so i asked for another snack, my toothbrush/toothpaste and i was ready to pass out for a while.  dave went to bed in one of the reclining chairs and his mom took the other- i remember being uncomfortable, but at least i was able to sleep.  the tv was on, but i remember not wanting it turned off.  food network shows turned to infomercials and eventually i woke up, and i was in pain.  i remember the nurse saying they could add more to my epidural if needed, so after laying there in pain for at least 30 minutes (i was afraid to wake anyone), i finally got dave to wake up, and told him i was having a lot of pain and contractions.  my mother in law woke up too, and i remember her going into the bathroom- while she was there i told dave, "i hope she doesn't think she's staying in here for this" (sorry, deb).  he assured me she would be leaving.  i paged the nurse and told her i needed more in my epidural, so she said she wanted to check me out first.  side note:  i was told by someone when you have a baby that you will be all shy about being checked for progress in the beginning, but by the end you are practically throwing your legs open wanting to get the baby out- it's true.  with that check she told me- no time, it's time to push!!  AHHH!

so it was probably around 4:45 or 5:00- the hospital room all the sudden was like a transformer- a giant light drops from the ceiling, to put your lady parts under a spotlight, stir ups fold out of my bed, it was crazy.  i asked for the  tv to be turned off.  i was ready to go- but my epidural had definitely worn off on my right side- i was going 50% natural...  my nurse went over the drill with me- for each contraction, i'm going to give 3 pushes- let her know when one starts- and listen for her lead to push- push like you're taking a #2, and push as hard as you can.  dave was up by me to hold my hand and help me with the breathing.  my first pushes were small- as we were trying to get my water to break.  i must've pushed for 15 minutes just trying to get that to happen- no dice.  nothing better than watching a nurse continually jab your lady parts with her gloved finger saying, "it just won't break, we may have to call dr. barthel in with the hook."  wait a what?!?!  no one is sticking a hook of any kind in me- so i pushed even harder- and finally my water broke.  this was it- i was able to start the serious pushing.  can i just say i had the best nurse ever.  she was so excited about me having a baby- and that was awesome.  i remember poor dave didn't want to know anything that was going on below the waist- but as i kept pushing, ian's little head kept surfacing- and i remember her excitedly saying- "come here, come here, you've got to see this, it's his head, and he's got blond hair!"  poor dave went and reluctantly looked- he later said, "she was so excited, i felt like i had to."

so i pushed for a long time- 2 hours.  toward the end when dr. barthel finally came in, she said we were going to have to use the vacuum extractor to try and get him out.  she also said, "i think he's going to be huge" because i just kept pushing, and he was staying.  i remember during every contraction thinking, "will this be my last, why isn't he out yet, it's been so long."  i was exhausted.  when she got out the vacuum, she told me that i had 3 tries to get him out- or i was going to have to have a c-section.  i was filled with dread.  i really didn't want to have a c-section.  i remember someone telling me that my parents had arrived (just in time), i was so ready to meet him.  we started with the vacuum- contraction 1, nothing.  contraction 2, nothing, and the vacuum slipped and i thought i was going to suffer a serious injury.  finally, my 3rd contraction, i pushed harder than i had ever pushed before- using every ounce of strength left in my body, and pop, out he was- head, shoulders, body- everything- one push!  and he was perfect, and he was quiet, but fussed a little.  he had great color, and i remember her putting his little body on my belly, all tiny and slippery, and i remember the tears.  they then took him to clean him up and i remember screeching at dave as he stood in shock, "the CAMERA" (ha, nice wife).  dave cut the cord and they took him to the  corner of the room for tests and a bath.  6 pounds, 12 ounces- and dr. uma said, "if he had been over 7 lbs, you wouldn't have been able to have him on your own."  lucky me.  while they cleaned ian up and i tried to watch, i had to deliver my placenta, which i got to see (i could live without that again), and then i got stitched which was just fabulous...  no episiotomy, just a "very bad" tear.  none of it mattered though- i had just had a baby, and i had just kicked ass.  it wasn't long before i had my perfect baby back in my arms and so began my journey of being a mom!

 here i am shortly after we got settled in, and again enjoying a delicious cherry popsicle.  

here is dave making me all jealous with his steak n shake.  the white board you see in the background has all my info on it including the words "i want to eat."

 fresh out da kitchen.  the warming machine had his weight displayed.

 being cleaned off.  finally, wrapped, warm and in mommy's arms.  

 feeding ian for the first time, and just some old fashioned love.

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

6:44 am

"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother and to become fully independent." -Erich Fromm
dear ian,

you made it!  or shall i say, we made it?  here you are 1 year old, and me- a full fledged mama to a boy!  i can't believe it's been 1 whole year since you came into this world- 1 year since i pushed with all my might and your tiny, slippery body popped out, and was placed in my eagerly awaiting arms- changing my life forever.  from those first moments that i held you in my arms, tears streaming down my face to me going in your room moments ago to spy on you while you sleep.  here we are.  we have had our ups & downs- and mommy is learning more about you, herself and how to be a mommy every day.  i know some days i am impatient with you- i just need to keep reminding myself that while i'm trying to learn to be a mommy that you are just trying to learn to be a human.  i just can't put into words how amazing this year has been- and while i still feel like some days i'm trying to figure out who i am- i know one thing- i was put on this earth to be your mama.  i will always be your mama, and you will always be my baby- my first baby.  you have amazed us in so many ways- from sleeping through the night on your own at 6 weeks, to rolling over at 4 months, to your crazy army crawl, and now pulling up.  you love food- you will one day eat me out of house and home.  you love water- bath time is so much fun.  you love reading, yo gabba gabba, our dogs, the ladies, and laughing big belly laughs that put mommy & daddy in stitches.  you hate staying still, diaper changes, and anywhere that you feel "tied down."  you're little in weight, but you're surprisingly tall.  you're curious an always on the go.  you're not a morning person.  you get the sillies if we keep you up too late.  you are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are you.  i'm not an eloquent writer- my words probably sound more like my jumbled up thoughts than beautiful prose- but they're from my heart, and every word is dripping with my love for you.  if i could write everything i had to say to you- i'd never stop typing- there aren't enough words to sum up you or this 1st of many, many years with you!  your (wonderful, amazing) daddy & i can't wait to share this day with you- all the snuggles, smiles, smells, splashes, hugs and kisses.  we can't wait to celebrate YOU!

we love you, so, so much.  


mommy (and daddy- he's asleep next to me)

"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart."  -1 Samuel 1:27

 happy birthday, buds

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

1 year ago - due date

1 year ago today was my due date.  40 weeks.  i was dunzo! 

husband catches me off guard while being monitored while waiting to see our doctor.  she eventually gave us the thumbs up to head over to labor & delivery

checked into l&d.  we went up around 1:00 pm-  i'm not even sure that i had my iv in yet... i'm guessing i did though (i wish we had taken one last pregnancy pic before i got into this hideous gown)

i had eaten breakfast that morning, but since i was being sent up to l&d, i wasn't allowed to eat anything else (dave & i were planning on having lunch)... you're not allowed to eat during this time, but i stressed that i was starving and it was only going to get worse.  luckily my nurses were  nice enough to let me have popsicles and jello all night!

i look pretty drugged up at this point, although i didn't have any kind of drugs until after shift change which was around 7:00.  yes, i am wearing earrings.  i'm pretty sure they didn't come out until right before i got ready to start pushing.  it was probably the only thing about me that looked good.  

dear Lord.  someone get this baby out of me.  i was definitely under some influence of drugs by this point, so it was probably between 8-10.  it was tuesday night, and we had the biggest loser on and i could hardly keep my eyes open to watch it.  i napped for a while, and didn't wake up again until around 11:30- i got my epidural shortly after that time.  i remember there was nothing on tv, but i wanted it on, so we had the food network on.  i demanded that the tv was turned off when it was time to start pushing!

what came next...

you'll have to wait until tomorrow.

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Friday, January 14, 2011

the hair diaries

it's now been 19 weeks since the hair project began.  it's not going so well...

here's what's been going on...

first a little extensive background info:
i started getting occasional grey hairs about 3-4 years ago (so sad)...  it wasn't anything i couldn't just yank out... and then i got pregnant, and they started going crazy.  midway through my pregnancy (september 2009) it had gotten so bad that i colored my hair for the 3rd time ever- and i've been having to do it regularly since then.  except that since i've had ian, it's gotten worse.  i can color my hair, and new grey hairs (or my preexisting hair) grows so fast that i'm already showing new greys in just 3 weeks (extremely sad).  so i try to go at least 4 weeks between coloring...

so i colored my hair right before thanksgiving- and my hair always seems to look a little better around that time (i think the chemicals zap any oil).  we went to husband's gma's house and while i was there, i felt like i had finally gotten to a turning point while washing (rinsing) my hair it actually felt clean!  it was all downhill from there.  the very next week my hair was already feeling heavy & greasy again- not a good look.  in a fit of desperation, i dragged ian and myself to ulta where i picked up devacare no-poo cleanser (i chose this instead of devacare since my hair is colored). the reason i went with this is because it was mentioned in the article that i had read about ditching shampoo- so i thought it would work.... i am not impressed.  at.  all.  1.  it smells funny (devacurl smells way better), 2.  the "no-poo" part is weird- it's like rubbing conditioner into your hair (which i was doing during my washing w\ baking soda).  it doesn't lather, but i can't figure out how to clean my hair with it.  3.  i spent $20 on it, and i'm supposed to be eliminating an "unnecessary cost" from my life.  4.  my hair as never been greasier.  i don't know what i'm doing wrong, but i washed and dried my hair with devacurl wednesday night and the back and under layer of my hair just hung in greasy strings.  5.  did i mention it was $20?!?!

so while i was in ga for christmas, my mom let me use her "shampoo."  she has been occasionally washing with loreal's everpure, which is sulfate free (anyone know why eva longoria has her hair around her neck like a noose?), so i gave it a try and my hair looked and felt amazing!!  i felt like i was cheating though, so i went back to the devacare, and things have been pretty much the same (see #4 above)...  after that happened, i bit the bullet and bought the everpure, even though i just found this article...  i haven't used it again yet, and i wore my hair up today....  ugh.  what to do?!

what should i do now?  just go back to rinsing w\ plain water or doing the baking soda?  keep trying with the devacare (3/4 a bottle left)?  or just give in and go with the everpure (although it's pretty much a no-poo).  A- i know that you've been using devacurl and really like it- what's the secret to your success?  how much are you using, how are you using it?  what might i be doing wrong?

thoughts?! Pin It!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

i resolve... january

not to make stupid resolutions this year that i will have forgotten about by... yesterday.

instead.  my "resolution" is to make a short list of attainable goals each month- and to share them with you.

we're almost halfway through january, but i made my list last week, and i've already started working on it!  wahoo!

january goals:

  • sign up for mentor program for my biggest 30 before thirty goal
  • start working out.  for reals.  find a gym- husband's company will reimburse- so do it!
  • use lotion on my hands EVERY night (this is silly, but i hate that the air is so dry my skin splits)
  • lose 5 pounds.  starting weight: 1X6
  • finish the book listed on my blog.  that i haven't even started....
  • complete 2 items on my 30 before thirty list (some of these goals should help)
  • type up the "chore list"
  • start/finish the "remodeling" on one of the bathrooms
we're starting slow.  here we go........ Pin It!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

a ONEderful chance to give

i wanted to share something with everyone and invite you to be a part of something really special.  one of my favorite blogs belongs to kelle hampton... enjoying the small things is a blog that kelle started a few years ago to write about her oldest daughter lainey and her photography- it turned into something phenomenal (nearly 10,000 followers!) with the birth of her daughter nella last january (just 2 days after ian).  i started reading kelle's blog in february or march, and i have been a loyal follower since.  nella's birth story is beautiful and in the same breath heartbreaking.  i go and reread it every once in a while, just so i can remember- because you can really feel all the pain that kelle felt. 

now nella is almost a year old, and kelle needs your help.  her goal is to raise $15,000 $30,000 $47,000 (!!) for ndss (national down syndrome society).  the goal of ndss: for us to live in a world where we are all accepted, included and valued for who we are!  kelle is so close to her goal: just over $3,000 to go (she's raised all this money in 2 days!)!  all it takes is $5, hell, $1 would work!  need inspiration on why you should give- visit kelle's blog.  this entry should help! Pin It!

Monday, January 10, 2011

reading more

i haven't posted my "resolutions" post yet, but one of those is to read more...  

i'm going to participate in the page to screen reading challenge over @ reading-extensively.  thanks to little sprout growing for sharing this challenge. 

i'm going to start with level one- 5 books, i can do that- right?  i'll let you know when/if i'm ready to move on!

i haven't picked my books yet though- but i'll let you know when i do! Pin It!








            thanks husband for telling me about my hideous do it yourself spray tan...








it's been a wonderful year!  ready to see what 2011 has in store for us!
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