Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I held ian much longer than I usually do before his nap this morning. I thought about how quickly time has gone by so far. How much longer until the rocking chair becomes obsolete. How much longer until he doesn't need or want his binky. I thought of how little he was now, but he seemed almost like a giant with his skinny little legs hanging down to my knees. Tears filled my eyes. I wondered how much longer he would lay still while being rocked for naps- his head fitting perfectly between my chin and shoulder. I watched the stripes on his onesie move like ocean waves as the small of his back arched in and out with each breath. I watched him nestle his head a bit deeper, hug his bear a little tighter, rubbing his fingers gently against the silky lining. I listened to the rhythmic sucking of the binky- fast, fast, slow. I ran my fingers through soft hair, a few pieces crusted where oatmeal had been used as a styling product. He flipped his head over and faced away from me- for a moment i thought he was asleep as his body jerked around a bit in the same style as his daddy. He flipped his head over again and lifted it up to look at me- it was time. The days of sleeping in my arms seem long gone, and the moments where he actually lets he hold him are short-lived. I stopped rocking and dropped my feet to the floor. I stood up and walked you to your crib. As I laid you down and got ready to cover you with your blanket- you lifted your foot up. When I covered you, you scrunched your nose, smiled and let out a giggle. I wound your mobile, gave you a pat and you smiled and giggled again. As I turned and walked away I could hear you "talking" to me. I walked into my room and turned the monitor on- you let out a cry and I hoped you were calling me back, but it lasted only a second... And now the only sounds I hear are that of your ocean. Sweet dreams, little buddy- I know you won't remember these moments- and now I won't forget. Pin It!

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