Monday, June 6, 2011

leave the past in the past

i was definitely slack this week- in fact, i'd say i did pretty bad.  thursday i had a pretty crappy day- and i took it out on myself with food- that's not a normal reaction of mine- to eat my emotions.  it was more of a convenience thing.  my body definitely let me hear about it afterwards.  surprise, surprise coming from me, right?  although the scale does seem to show another pound lost, i don't really feel like i'm doing any better, and i'm beginning to think this weight loss thing is impossible.  i just can't figure out how there's no way that i am dropping these pounds.  i am controlling my sugar intake, i am working out 6 days a week- busting my tail.  this is coming from someone who has proclaimed herself to be lazy when it comes to working out.  i don't run, i hate sweating, i get tired easily.  here i am working out 6 days a week- and i am seeing no results.  it's kinda disheartening.  i know that i have potential to be small- i was the girl who was 90 lbs until i was about 21.  now, i am not asking to be 90 lbs again, but i'd like to be in a healthy weight- especially for someone as small (short) as i am. 

example- here i am in college-
me and my roommate sophomore year.  i am in dire need of about 300 sandwiches to eat.  seriously.  oh, and we are so thug.

 here i am with my suitemates senior year, and with my brother & grandfather after i graduated college.  i like to call this photo collection spray tan- before & after.  or it's not easy being orange.  i am out of control.  i am also out of control thin.

it's funny how your body image morphs as you get older and look back at photos.  i'm sure then i thought i could afford to lose some weight.  of course, then i knew i was thin.  after i graduated college, i put on a pretty good bit of weight- but i lost that weight.  i stayed a pretty comfortable weight from after that weight loss through after i got married.  of course, i always thought i was huge after i got married.  i complained all the time, i cried when i stepped on the scale...  ridiculous.  it's now one of those things where i look back at photos from before being pregnant and i'm like... wow, you really were thin- what was wrong with you.  again, it's all in the perception.  here i am shortly after we were married.

this is probably a good weight for me.  i wish i knew how much i weighed then, because this would definitely be my goal weight.  i like to call this photo: so i really was thin.  

but i can't think about this.  i can't think about college.  my husband says that i watch biggest loser and set unrealistic expectations for my weight loss goals.  they lose 10 lbs in a week- of course they do- they work out 8 hours a day.  so my goal this week- stop thinking about the past.  don't think about what you weighed last week, last year, last decade.  think in the present, and be in the present.  i can only control today.  that's what i'm thinking about this week.

i'm linking up with Blair for McFatty Monday over @ Heir to Blair Pin It!

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